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10:23

Mote Prime > Paranonsense

The Integrated Restaurant

David Tredinnick is pushing for "integrated healthcare", where some treatments are allowed to circumvent safety regulation. What would happen if this idea spreads? Welcome... to the Integrated Restaurant.

Good evening sir, madam. Welcome to Tredinnick's, the world's first integrated restaurant. How may I help you?

The menus are a little complex, yes, sir. The little V means vegetarian, the G means gluten free, and the S means that the meal is cooked in the street over an open drain.

Yes, madam, an open drain.

Yes, madam, we do have certification for food hygiene. See, there down at the bottom. Our kitchens have been certified to 5 star standard by the local authority's food safety scheme, and we also have CuisinArk certification for our street-cooked dishes. So everything is fine and above board.

I believe, sir, that they are indeed equivalent. The local authority inspection has shown that we store and prepare the food correctly, with separate areas for meat and vegetable preparation, and that the kitchen appliances are regularly cleaned and maintained to reduce risk of contamination by bacteria. The CuisinArk certification is also very impressive.

Yes, sir, completely. Just as good.

The details? Yes, sir, I do have them.

What, you want to hear them? Now?

OK then. The CuisinArk certification checks that this is the way people have prepared food for several hundred years.

Yes, sir, several hundred years. So it must be good. Can I interest you in the fish? Or perhaps the rat?

Fresh caught, madam, just outside. No? How about this selection here?

So, madam would prefer the kitchen-cooked chicken tikka. An excellent choice.

Yes, the street-cooked meat-onna-stick is lovely, sir.

Do you want flies with that?